Art For Keeps

In the grand tradition of “What were they thinking?” comes *Art for Keeps*, a 1982 masterpiece by the elusive C. Burke Block. Published by World Wide Publications—clearly a name that has seen better days—this book is a time capsule of artistic pretensions and the kind of bravado that could only emerge during the creatively questionable 1980s. It promises to take you on a journey through the whimsical world of art, but you might find yourself questioning whether you’ve tumbled down the rabbit hole or into a particularly pretentious art gallery where the snacks are just as stale as the ideas.

Imagine, if you will, a time when people thought leg warmers and acid-washed jeans were the pinnacle of fashion, and now imagine someone trying to pair that aesthetic with a discussion of art. Enter Block, with a fervor only a true believer could muster, attempting to convince readers that art is not just to look at but rather, to “keep.” What this means is anybody’s guess, but one can only assume it involves an inordinate amount of bad metaphors and questionable definitions of ’keeping’ as they pertain to the likes of Picasso and a few lesser-known abstract expressionists who may or may not have been Block’s next-door neighbors.

The book is an amalgamation of gaudy illustrations and text that inspire both admiration and bewilderment. Block’s writing style could be described as “enthusiastically erratic,” as he leaps from one visual concept to another with the grace of a drunken kangaroo. Chapters are peppered with bold proclamations about the importance of art in everyday life, and yet the very existence of this tome raises the question: how much art is really worth keeping if it leads to such dizzying confusion?

This book also features a glorious collection of “Helpful Tips” that read like a how-to for the socially awkward art enthusiast. You’ll find invaluable nuggets of wisdom such as:

• How to choose the right frame for your questionable art purchase.
• What to say at art shows to sound like you know what you’re talking about (Hint: “I feel a strong connection to the artist’s existential crisis” works wonders).
• The delicate art of nodding appreciatively while secretly questioning your life choices.
• Best practices for avoiding the conversation about your own non-existent artistic endeavors.
• The top ten “art terms” to throw around to impress your friends (or confuse them further).

While Block may present himself as an art aficionado, one can’t help but feel as though he’s the kid at school who insists he knows all the trivia about the latest band, yet doesn’t own a single record. His pomposity is matched only by the staggering amount of footnotes, each of which could easily lead you down yet another rabbit hole of obscure references that may or may not have anything to do with the overall topic of discussion. The irony is palpable; every page feels like it’s screaming, “Please, take me seriously!” while simultaneously fading into the background of your bookshelf, right next to that awful biography of a famous sock puppet.

Condition: Used. This copy of *Art for Keeps* has been circulated more times than Block probably intended. Expect dog-eared pages, ink smudges that may or may not resemble modern art, and perhaps a faint whiff of 1980s nostalgia mingled with a hint of mildew. It’s the kind of book that begs to be both read and ignored in equal measure, a perfect addition to any collection that celebrates the wonderfully bizarre.

So, if you’re in the market for a book that balances the fine line between fascination and bewilderment, look no further. *Art for Keeps* is available now at Crappy Old Books, where questionable literary choices become trophies of your adventurous reading spirit.

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